Regular readers of this blog (which there are exactly none of, except myself and sometimes even I find it so gut wrenchingly boring that I can't be bothered to read it) will by now be thinking, who is this Joe Pick whose blog we adore so much but is a character who, if they have failed to click to link to my FAQ, is surrounded by so much mystery.

I wish to rid myself of this mystery and I will do this through the medium of list - a list of things that scare me no less. Here it is:

1. Things that look harmless but, when they turn around, have evil faces - like the midget in Don't Look Now, she is shit scary.

2. Being buried alive - I'd hazard a guess that there are very few people who are not scared of this idea and even fewer who would enjoy the experience.

3. People who don't like Bob Dylan - I don't understand them, are they mad? If you ask me anybody that doesn't like Dylan shouldn't be allowed out into public, but nobody does ask me, for obvious reason.

4. The Great British public - somehow, out of all the people I have met, never have I met a member of the Great British public quite as devoid of any taste or intellectuals as the 100 Greatest 50 Top Ten Best Things Ever lists voted for by the Great British public suggest they are. But these people are out their and whilst they are still making lame rehashes of old songs as best selling single and putting Only Fools and Horses as best ever comedy I cannot feel safe.

5. The BNP - they make me sick. I fail to see how people so stupid even manage to run a political party group of twatface thugs, from what I have read and seen about them it is a wonder that, with brains that small, they are able to breath and think hateful thoughts at the same time.

6. Carpet burns - oh! They sound like fun but don't get one - they hurt like fuck

7. Crazy Frog - it's music is crap and it's lips are scary.

8. Teh Fear - gives me TEH FEAR.

9. ???

10. Profit

Well, that's my list and I hope that it has given you, my non-existent readers, a small insight into who I am and what scares me, it hasn't though because you don't exist and I made some of those things up just to trick you, which is a bit sad seeing as you don't exist. COVERED IN BEES!!!!